A coward in the rain
by xshrimpyx
Summary: "I can't be friends with you because I'm in love with you. God dammit Lily, can't you see, friendship is never going to be enough for me. That's why we can't be friends..." L&J one-shot about Lily realising she is in love with James.


Hi guys :) I'm sorry for not posting something for Alternate Ending for a while but I'm having a bit of writers block for it, I'm stuck on what's going to happen next. I have quite a few ideas but I don't know which ones I'm going to use. Anyway I wanted to post another one-shot instead. So read it and tell me what you think. Reviews are much appreciated :)

Disclaimer-Nope, not mine, sadly.

A coward in the rain

It was raining. And James Potter was flying his broomstick. He was completely soaked to the skin; his shirt sticking to his chest and his hair, for once, lay flat on his head, dripping water down his neck. James was zooming around the Quidditch field, alone. Nobody, not even his best friend, had been stupid enough to come outside when the rain was so hard he could barely see. But James liked it; he liked the fact that he needed all of his concentration to squint into the darkness and avoid trees and the stands. Because then, he didn't have to think. And thinking hurt too much.

Lily's latest rejection had cut him deeper than the others, if possible. She didn't seem to realise, she didn't know, she never knew how much it hurt him. Maybe if she knew what each rejection did to him she would give him a chance. If she could only see how much he loved her; he would do_ anything_ for her, he would _die_ for her. But the one thing he seemed incapable of doing, ironically enough, was the only thing she really wanted. She didn't want him, she wanted him to leave her alone but to James it was a feat that was impossible. He had tried, God knows he had tried to stay away from her, but something always drew him back to her. She was like a magnet, pulling him, irresistibly, to her every time he was near.

He leant further forwards, speeding faster and faster, and diving through the sky. He tore through the air, tears merging with the rain as he felt a fist twist his stomach. He cried out in pain, coming to an abrupt stop. He let the tears run freely down his face as he replayed the scene...

"_What is this?" Lily gasped in wonder, as she entered the classroom. The smell of roses was overwhelming as she walked through the door and the candles scattered across the room made the atmosphere serene and peacefully...romantic even. She eyed the table in the middle of the room with two seats in confusion. Lily whirled around with to find James leaning against the wall an expectant expression on his face. "Is this for me?" Lily asked, a puzzled expression clouding her features. _

"_Yeah, I, uh, have something I need to ask you." Lily didn't reply but let him led her to the table in a daze. He pulled out her chair and Lily sat down, James taking the seat opposite her._

"_What's going on James?" Lily asked, a hint of worry in her eyes. _

_James took her hand, entwining their fingers, smiling at how well their skin tones complimented each other. He observed their fingers for a couple more seconds before looking up and gulping loudly, trying to work up the courage to say what he needed to. "Lily, recently, I've ummm, well you know how we've, you see I..." He dropped her hand abruptly and stood up from the table, shoving his chair back. He started to pace, raking his hand through his hair in an anxious manner. Lily watched, utterly confused, yet slightly amused by his mood swings. She waited for him to stop pacing, staring edgily around the room, wondering why he had done all this. James strode back and pulled out Lily's chair again, gesturing for her to stand up. He took her hand again and helped her up, "Lily, I know you might not want to here what I have to say, but we've become close and I don't think it's fair to keep something like this from you."_

"_James wh..."_

"_I'm still in love with you." James interrupted. Lily just stood, frozen, in shock, her jaw gaping open and her eyes unreadable. James waited for a few, unbearable seconds that seemed to go on for eternity before dropping to his knees. "Go out with me, Lily, please?" James begged, a bouquet of roses appearing in his outstretched hand. Lily started spluttering, regaining her ability to speak and coming out of her state of shock. _

_Lily eyes narrowed and her gaze became a glare, her emerald green orbs were sharp and hateful and her face twisted into a mask of utter hatred. "I cannot believe you Potter; I will never go out with you! You're the most conceited, arrogant, deceitful person I've ever met!" Her glare softened slightly as her eyes became rapidly filled with tears, "I thought you had changed-I thought we were friends," She continued in a broken voice, the tears now dripping down her face. James was a statue, unable to move or talk, just kneeling on the floor, his face blank. _

_Suddenly her eyes became furious again, "I can't believe you played me, pretending we were friends when you just wanted to get into my pants... I, I hate you! Leave me alone!" Her voice broke on the last word and she ran off, tears overflowing from her devastated eyes. James felt like thorns had just been driven into his heart. He had now officially made sure Lily would never talk to him again. She now was convinced that he had become her friend to trick her into sleeping with him. Could she really think so little of him? He had to admit, that hurt almost as much as the rejection. But not only that, he had also made her cry. James had never, no matter how many times they had argued, made her cry. The thought that he had done that made him feel sick. He simply collapsed in the middle of the corridor, rubbing his eyes, pain threatening to overcome him._

Lily rubbed the last stray tears off her face and picked up her small mirror. She inspected her appearance, taking in her puffy, red eyes and tear stained cheeks with disgust. She was meant to be a strong, independent woman; no man should be able to make her cry like this. Lily picked up her make-up bag and emptied in onto her dressing table, shifting through the small pile of make-up she owned. She found a pale foundation that was barely used and unscrewed the lid. She squeezed a tiny amount onto her finger and rubbed in into the skin below her eyes, trying to reduce the redness. After a while, Lily gave up on trying to make herself presentable and put down the foundation. She sorted through the big pile of books on her bed and picked out the well worn copy of her favourite book, _Pride and Prejudice_. Lily ambled down the stairs and took a look around the room. It reminded her too much of James, all she could do was picture him sitting by the fire, crouched over an essay or laying on the rug playing with that damn snitch of his. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of those images and made her way to the Gryffindor Common Room instead.

Lily scanned the room and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised none of her friends, nor nobody who would approach her was in there. She was free to escape into a world of fantasy. She settled into an armchair by the fire and opened her book, placing the bookmark on the coffee table beside her. She read for a couple of pages before her mind started to wander, fantasy being replace by reality, as she reminisced on what had happened after James had professed his love for her...

_In the Head girl's bedroom, a familiar redhead was crying silently as she lay curled up on her bed. Her fist clenched a photo of the two of them from Christmas, her kissing James on the cheek in thanks for a present. Her hand tightened. Why did he have to make things difficult? Why did it have to hurt?_

_She could picture his face. The look of utter agony he had when she had rejected him; he looked like the bottom of his world had just fallen out. When she had run away she had wanted to turn around and say something, anything that would have made it better. But the truth was that she wasn't ready to admit the only thing that would have made it all better. She wished she could have gone back and not accused James of only being friends with her to get her to sleep with him. She knew it wasn't true; she had known that at the time, but the fury had taken over, making her see red and her mouth was going too fast for her brain. She needed to make it right, she decided. She was going to find James._

_Lily walked slowly down to the Great Hall, trying to work up the courage to apologize to James. She knew he would still be hurt but she hoped he would get over the rejection soon. She spotted him instantaneously as she walked in the room, her eyes attracted to him. He appeared to be stabbing at something on his plate and, even though his back was facing her, Lily could tell he was not in a good mood. Lily shouldered her bag, fiddling nervously with the strap as she walked down the aisle towards him. Remus noticed her first and murmured something to James who immediately stiffened. Lily was surprised at how much that hurt her, but held her head high and slid into the seat beside him. Before she had even opened her mouth James had stood up and strode off down the Great Hall. His friends saw the wounded look on her face but they held no sympathy for her. Nobody said anything but Sirius' eyes followed James' departing figure before darting back to Lily's. She got the hint and leapt up, speed walking down the Great Hall, trying to ignore the hundreds of pairs of eyes boring into her back. _

"_James, James wait up!" Lily called after him, pumping her little legs as fast as they would go. Luckily for her, James stopped at the sound of her voice and leant against the stone wall, staring out into the miserable, grey sky as he waited for her. _

"_What?" He asked, his tone sharp, his eyes evading hers, as she drew to a halt next to him. He missed the look of hurt that flashed across Lily's face as he said that. Lily took a step forward and James, unintentionally, bent down so his face was almost level with hers. A lock of ebony hair fell forward and Lily, without thinking, lifted a trembling hand to brush it out of his eyes. When her hand touched his face he jerked back instantly, a reproachful look in his eyes, making Lily's eyes fills with tears. _

"_Why are you doing this?" She questioned softly, her voice quavering, making James look up into her teary, emerald eyes with regret. There was a long pause where James searched Lily's eyes, but as she looked into his hazel orbs she could see nothing. It was almost as if there was a veil over his eyes, hiding his feelings that were usually so transparent to her._

"_I'm sorry Lily, it has to be this way. I can't be friends with you anymore." He said firmly, tearing his gaze away from hers to once again stare at the bleak landscape._

"_Why!? I don't get it James!" Lily exploded, grabbing James' face vehemently and forcing him to look at her. _

"_I can't be friends with you because I'm in love with you. God dammit Lily, can't you see, friendship is never going to be enough for me. That's why I can't be around you anymore!" He shouted back, ripping his head away from her hands, debating on whether he should just run off now._

"_James..." Lily whispered, trying to stem the tears flowing down her face. _

_James just shook his head, "I'm sorry Lily, that's the way you made it." _

"You're a coward Lily Evans." Sirius said while slinging himself over the back of the couch to be beside Lily. His cheerful smile was nowhere to be seen and the twinkle in his eyes was replaced by a sullen, cold look.

Lily sighed and put down her book, placing the bookmark in her open book and slowly turning to face him. "Why am I a coward Sirius?"

"Because you love him." Sirius replied seriously, his stormy grey eyes boring into hers with an intensity that made Lily very uncomfortable.

Lily hesitated for too long before answering, "No, I don't." She said in a shaky voice, tearing her eyes away from his to stare at the blurry pages of her book which she picked up again.

Sirius moved closer, taking the book out of Lily's hands and tilting her chin up so she was looking into his eyes. "I've seen the way you look at him Lil, the way you act around him...why else would you be so upset about rejecting him? You've done it a thousand times and it never bothered you before."

Lily snatched her hand away from Sirius and stared defiantly into his eyes, willing the tears to vanish, "It's not true. I was upset because he was upset and...because he said we couldn't be friends anymore." A lone tear dribbled down Lily's face at that revelation and Sirius' face became confused.

"He said that?" He demanded softly, "When?"

"Right after he stormed out of breakfast." Lily pulled a tissue out of her pocket and wiped away her tears, despising the fact she was letting Sirius see her so weak and vulnerable.

"And nobody has seen him since..." Sirius murmured. They sat in silence for a long time, neither moving nor saying anything.

"It's killing him you know." Sirius said quietly, glancing edgily over his shoulder to check the common room was empty. "Not being with you." Lily closed her eyes, showing her unwillingness to talk. "He loves you, he really does. But he said he can't stand it any longer. If you don't want him then he's going to leave you alone-forever. _You're going to lose him Lil_."

Lily's eyes opened and she blinked back the tears, "I don't know what to do Sirius." She whispered.

"Don't deny it any longer Lil. You love him, I know you do. So stop being a coward and fight for him."

"I..." Lily thought back to moments she had shared with James. The way her heart raced whenever he was near. The way when their bare skin accidentally brushed she felt tingles up her spine. The way when he spoke, his husky voice made her shiver. The way her eyes were attracted to him like he was a flower and she was a bee.

_Sirius was right._

"I do love him." She concluded softly, an ecstatic smile breaking out on her face. She stood up, suddenly not knowing what to do with herself. "I love James!" She shouted, grabbing Sirius and hugging him tightly.

He laughed, his chest vibrating in a warm chuckle, and his signature smirk lighting up his face again. "I told you so love, now go get him!" He released Lily and gave her a push toward the door, "He'll be on the Quidditch Pitch." Lily ran out of the porthole only stopping to blow a kiss at Sirius.

James drove his broom forward, stretching it to his limits as he dived over backwards, tumbling over and over until he no longer knew which way was up. James swerved sharply, narrowly avoiding a tree, succeeding in forgetting about Lily for one second. But then it was back. The pain flooded back through his body like a wave, covering his every sense. Would it never leave? James twisted his broom into a sharp stop, very nearly slipping off his broom in his haste. James released his broom and raked a hand through his sodden, jet black hair. He sighed and peered into the distance, through the storm clouds, wondering if anyone would ever be able to make him happy like she could.

Lily sprinted down the stairs, flinging people aside in her haste to get down to the Quidditch Pitch. She flew through the front doors, pausing momentarily when she realised she couldn't see a thing. Lily was soaked in a matter of seconds, her red mane sticking to her face, yet her grin would not vanish. She sprinted down through the soggy grass, slipping in the mud more than once, until she skidded to a halt at the Quidditch Pitch. She stared up into the dark, starless sky and squinted, spotting a zooming figure high up.

"JAMES!" Lily screamed only to have the wind carry it away. "JAMES! COME DOWN!" Lily shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth in an attempt to make it louder. His back was facing her and it was clear he would not be able to see or hear her through the rain.

In desperation Lily did the only rational thing she could think of-she stole a broom. She dragged the chosen broom out onto the pitch, successfully covering it in mud and leaves, and swung her leg over the side. Lily took a steadying breath and pushed off. A scream was ripped out of her mouth as she wobbled and turned sharply, almost throwing herself off the broom. It was then that Lily remembered why she never rode brooms-she was hopeless. Lily closed her eyes and squeezed her legs tightly in an attempt to stop herself from sliding down the broom. Lily gradually climbed higher, her destination coming towards her at a snails pace. Lily chanced a look at the ground and felt her stomach lurch uncomfortably at the dizzying height she was already at. It was then that Lily realised her so called rational idea was anything but rational. In fact it was utterly and irrevocably irrational.

"Lily what are you doing!?" James bellowed, suddenly spinning around and zooming towards her. "Lily what the hell were you thinking?!" James yelled furiously, "You could have got yourself killed!"

"So could you!" She shot back, wobbling dangerously as she threw her hands up in the air. James grabbed her hands quickly and yanked her onto his broomstick. "What are you doing!?" She shrieked, holding onto his broom so tightly her knuckles turned white.

James ignored her question; his eyes boring into her with an intensity that made Lily forget everything she wanted to say. "What are you doing up here, you hate flying." James asked more softly, unconsciously pulling Lily towards him and wrapping his arms around her with a shuddering breath.

Lily closed her eyes and leant into his embrace, "I came to find you, I have something to tell you..." Her mouth went dry as she looked up into James face; the water was dripping down his face quickly and his fringe was plastered to his forehead. James' glasses were fogged up with the rain and she doubted very much he could even see her face. She reached up and placed a cold hand on his wet cheek, relishing in its strange warmth. James closed his eyes, sighing contently. "James, earlier when you said you loved me..."

"Li..." His eyes flew open with a sudden panic as if she had just reminded him.

"No," She interrupted him, shifting back slightly in his arms. James' eyes didn't lose the panicked look and they never left Lily's as she spoke. "Let me finish. I didn't mean...I know you weren't trying to get me to go out with you just so I would sleep with you. I was just mad and my mouth was moving to quickly for my brain and...well I'm really sorry. You see the fact is all along I was just denying it because I didn't want to admit defeat."

James blinked, a confused expression on his face, "Denying what?"

"I..." She looked up into his captivating hazel orbs and smiled dazzlingly, "I love you."

"What did you say?" James asked hoarsely, gripping Lily's forearm tightly as if he was afraid she would slip away.

"I said I'm in love with you James Potter!" Lily exclaimed, a joyous smile lighting up her face.

"Good." He murmured and leant forward to catch Lily's lips. "Cause I love you too Lily Evans. I love you so much."

Well there you have it :)

So does it deserve a review? Constructive criticism is welcome as well :D

Hey lets do another music quiz-who knows the song?

_You say yes, I say no_

_You say stop and I say go go go oh no_

_You say goodbye and I say hello hello hello_

_I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello hello hello_

_I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello_

_I say high and you say low_

_You say why and I say I don't know_

So who knows that awesome song? C'mon you all should ;)


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